In June 1900, russian poet Blok wrote:
“Don’t entrust your path
To the countless crowd of flatterers:
They’ll tear down your sanctuary,
Extinguish your sacred altar.
All those strong in spirit are alone,
Fleeing from the unorganized masses.
Alone, they light fires on the hills,
Tearing through the veils of darkness.”
If you are strong, then you are alone. Others are dangerous to you, and you should never open up to them. Under no circumstances should you let them in; they will “extinguish your sacred altar.” The term the poet uses for others—“a crowd of flatterers”—is both condescending and dismissive. They may seem to admire you, but their true goal is to disrupt your peace. To remain strong, you must rise above them.
"I don't trust anyone." Surely, you've encountered people who revere the untouched sanctity of their inner world. Letting anyone in is simply unacceptable! Many of us are familiar with this state of distrust and excessive caution through our own experiences. Distrust is a specific behavioral, emotional, and cognitive strategy. Its purpose is to protect something deeply valuable, driven by the fear of losing something sacred or being betrayed.
Every social interaction involves the risk of self-disclosure. Any self-disclosure makes one vulnerable. Vulnerability often leads to pain and destruction. By distrusting others, we build a wall of misunderstanding around ourselves: "All those strong in spirit are alone." This is the mask of strength we habitually show to the world. I often observe how hard and painful it is for people to admit that they might appear weak in the eyes of others—or even in their own.
The fear of appearing weak not only breeds distrust but also fosters hypersensitivity and a tendency to perceive threats everywhere. Everyone risks being labeled an enemy capable of destroying the "altar." The poet vividly illustrates the burden of being a solitary "superhuman," surrounded by imperfect "barbarians" intruding upon their inner peace. This is a deeply traumatic experience. Such individuals avoid opening up and connecting with others, even if they long for closeness and believe in its possibility. They simply cannot overcome themselves.
On one hand, distrust and hypersensitivity lead to isolation. These individuals close themselves off, even to the point of being unable to share their grievances—not even with the person who wronged them. After all, deeply personal feelings can always be turned against us. On the other hand, distrust fosters the yearning to find that one person who can be trusted with everything. The ideal is another strong "superhuman," capable of guarding secrets without posing a threat. But the tragedy lies in the fact that the strong are always dangerous—it’s part of their strength. This leaves the distrustful yearning unfulfilled, and their search ends in painful loneliness.
Furthermore, the mask of distrust and strength creates a perception of resilience and pretense in the eyes of others. Such individuals often hear comments like, "You're just pretending," or endure thoughtless offenses. People rashly assume that the strong can handle blunt honesty: "They’ll understand and endure." This creates a vicious cycle, fueling more distrust and resentment.
Meanwhile, close and trusting relationships with others play an essential role in our psychological well-being. It is in others that we often find genuine safety, belonging, understanding, and peace.
Every time I meet someone in my practice who relies heavily on this strategy, I feel a nurturing instinct to comfort the frightened, distrustful, and lonely child inside them. Initially, I always encounter a strong, defensive individual. At such moments, I feel like a threat to their inner world. How fortunate we are that cognitive therapy and schema therapy have developed clear algorithms for working with these states. In most cases, distrust can be overcome.
In clinical terms, distrust, in its extreme form, manifests as paranoia. The cognitive markers of this strategy include a belief system about oneself, others, and the world: "I am virtuous, yet others wrong me despite my qualities"; "Others aim to manipulate—they are either treacherous or deluded but hide behind a mask of innocence"; "The world is dangerous." Thoughts like, "People cannot be trusted; their motives are suspicious, so I must remain vigilant," are common. Emotionally, this strategy is tied to anger, irritation, anxiety about maintaining control over others and oneself, and feelings of despair, helplessness, and suppressed resentment.
In daily life, we all encounter the need to choose words and behaviors that suit societal norms. This is normal. Everyone cares about their reputation and safety. Self-disclosure can indeed be risky if it is ill-timed. The paranoid strategy underpins many norms of social interaction. There's no escaping this. However, like any other strategy, it can sometimes grow out of proportion, leading to significant maladaptation, as seen in cases of neurosis, personality disorders, or schizophrenia.
Distrust is an important element of social interaction that we cannot entirely discard. Parents teach their children that trust must be selective—and rightly so. But it’s worth keeping this valuable skill under control and occasionally breaking the rules instilled by our parents.
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